1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
26 comments:
1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because it works by making a better connection and lowering the resistance.
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Because they are leeching parasites on society.
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Cause you CAN check one but not the other.
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
It has not dried yet.
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Standard medical practice.
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
He often does.
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because TV/Movie writers of popular comic books are lame.
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
So they can breath at high altitude.
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
Standard English requires an S at the end of most plural words.
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
You evolved from your mom and dad, why are they still there?
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Density of a dye is directly correlated to it's opacity.
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
No
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Because they are hungry.
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Anyone who vacuums up string is an idiot as it can get caught in the spinning brush and burn out the motor.
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Because you are an idiot. Common reasons;
Wrong end of bag
Your finger tips are too dry(try licking them)
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Just because it seems enclosed to you does not mean it is enclosed for something 1/1000th your size.
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because sane humans try to avoid conflict when it is not necessary for survival.
18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
When something is falling and you are trying to catch it, your attention is on the moving object, hence you may hit an object that is nearby on the way to said object.
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
Most people enjoy about 70-72 degrees indoors throughout the year. In the summer it feels cold when you go inside and it feels hot when you go inside in the winter.
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because father-in-laws MIND THEIR OWN #$%^ING BUSINESS more often the mother-in-laws.
OK, I'll try.
1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because we like to value our own "effort" in everything that's happening in connection to us, even if it's negligible.
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
I don't really know, but I suppose this is partly a measure to make you quit your account before you run up more debt.
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because they can.
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because it can not dry in the bottle.
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Because needles for lethal injections and needles for non-lethal injections are generally not ordered seperately.
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Just lack of reasoning on the imagíner's part.
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
See above.
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
For the case they have an accident that is not supposed to happen; a passed out pilot can crash a plane, but is terrible at hitting the right building.
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
What do you mean? I think the "s" puts the word in the plural form.
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Because speciaton doesn't automatically kill of one branch. Just because at one time there are less hairy and more hairy apes who can't breed together doesn't mean the more hairy now has to die, it can keep on evolving, too.
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Because bubbles are very thin. Even many of them in a row will still be a lot lighter than the cup of colored soap concentrate you poured into a tub bathwater.
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Given that there are indeed many places in the world where mattresses are sold, unlikely, but very difficult to prove.
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
I guess this is just absent-mindedness - they concentrate on something else, so the frustration can always wear off without resulting in a conclusion.
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
I don't know; as I find myself doing it, too, I can only assume that we're just that stupid.
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
They do for me. Maybe you use too large plastic bags or the wrong technique?
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
I guess they're not hermetically closed.
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because society considers it to be polite.
18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
I don't think the generalization can be applied. I've seen counter-examples.
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
I don't know.
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because men are seldomly mothers, and most mother-in-law jokes play on the mother-child relationship continued even inside a marriage of the grown-up daughter. A father-child relationship is usually different, maybe because many fathers work away from home instead of spending most of their time at home with the children.
OK, I'll try.
1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because we like to value our own "effort" in everything that's happening in connection to us, even if it's negligible.
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
I don't really know, but I suppose this is partly a measure to make you quit your account before you run up more debt.
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because they can.
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because it can not dry in the bottle.
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Because needles for lethal injections and needles for non-lethal injections are generally not ordered seperately.
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Just lack of reasoning on the imagíner's part.
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
See above.
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
For the case they have an accident that is not supposed to happen; a passed out pilot can crash a plane, but is terrible at hitting the right building.
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
What do you mean? I think the "s" puts the word in the plural form.
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Because speciaton doesn't automatically kill of one branch. Just because at one time there are less hairy and more hairy apes who can't breed together doesn't mean the more hairy now has to die, it can keep on evolving, too.
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Because bubbles are very thin. Even many of them in a row will still be a lot lighter than the cup of colored soap concentrate you poured into a tub bathwater.
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Given that there are indeed many places in the world where mattresses are sold, unlikely, but very difficult to prove.
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
I guess this is just absent-mindedness - they concentrate on something else, so the frustration can always wear off without resulting in a conclusion.
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
I don't know; as I find myself doing it, too, I can only assume that we're just that stupid.
15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
They do for me. Maybe you use too large plastic bags or the wrong technique?
16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
I guess they're not hermetically closed.
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because society considers it to be polite.
18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
I don't think the generalization can be applied. I've seen counter-examples.
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
I don't know.
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because men are seldomly mothers, and most mother-in-law jokes play on the mother-child relationship continued even inside a marriage of the grown-up daughter. A father-child relationship is usually different, maybe because many fathers work away from home instead of spending most of their time at home with the children.
1. We're really just holding it down longer so there's a better chance of the signal getting sent.
2. Because they want you to keep better track of your money so they have less work, and know you'll get more money later which they can collect.
3. Because checking if the paint is wet is a lot easier than counting all the stars.
4. It does. A thin layer of the glue is stuck to the bottle.
5. To reduce the number of things that can go wrong; for consistency of results.
6. Genetics. Many men can't grow much facial hair.
7. Bullets travel much faster than thrown guns.
8. To improve their chances of completing the mission without dying.
9. There are many different kinds of lips.
10. People didn't evolve from apes, they evolved from an ape-like primate that is no longer around. As did apes. And for a long time, they did both exist at the same time.
11. Strictly speaking your bubbles should be transparent.
12. Holidays. Sundays in certain religious countries.
13. They have either forgotten what's in the fridge, or think they might have missed something.
14. Because they're seeing if there is an obvious explanation for the failure to pick up the string.
15. Because you take it easy on the first try, in order to avoid tearing it open and spilling the contents everywhere. Once you've established how tough it is, you try harder.
16. Either from a hole or gap in the light fixture, or perhaps when you first attached the light fixture.
17. Because it would upset them, and continue the conversation needlessly when really we want to get on with our lives.
18. Because you're acting quickly and paying attention only to the object you're trying to save.
19. Because in the Winter we're trying to escape the cold whereas in the Summer we're trying to escape the heat.
20. Because there aren't as many humourous stereotypes about fathers.
Could you omit number 10? Seriously, in this, the 21st century, do people still not understand evolution?
3 is awesome
4. most glue reacts with air
10. same reason there are still Africans or Europeans or Irish people evolution is not linear it branches.
11. the die get's thinned out
17. a politesse reflex
20. I've found a few
all in all i get what you're saying. 18 is hilarious. but this is an old list. around probably in print before the wide use of the internet. it just needs an up date. keep up the good work
We didn't evolve from apes, we evolved from a common ancestor.
9: Should that be "lisp" not "lips"?
that would make more sense as people with a lisp have difficulty with pronouncing S
Why do we park on Driveways and drive on parkways?
"10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"
If Protestants evolved from Catholics, why are there still Catholics?
Also, I believe you mean to ask why there is an "s" in "lisp". That would make sense if you were trying for a comedic statement. The way you have it phrased only implies you do not understand common rules of pluralization.
1)cuz it works
2)cuz they know you will pay or they will do everything within thier power to F*%k your credit score
3)cuz human kind is naturally curious (dont think someone hasnt tried to count he stars) where do you think the 4 billion number came from...
4)glue reacts to oxygen... and brain cells
5)cuz they provide clean needles anyway so why use an old one.
6)he doesnt have chest hair either, many races do not grow body/facial hair... girly races
7)cuz superman may be "faster than a speeding bullet" he obviously isnt fast enough to dodge them... but he CAN dodge a thrown firearm... what now biatch
8)so they dont get hurt... duh!!!
9)cuz its plural (as in two or more)... dummy
10)people did not evolve from apes we evolved from an "ape like mammal" called "Deez Nutz"
11)cuz no matter what color the dye, soap suds always appear clear or white... like sperm
12)Why are you looking to buy one?
13)cuz with each trip they may be willing to eat something less appetizing then when they searched the time before, like that last pickle in the jar that has been there since thanksgiving 05
14)cuz people are lazy...
15)i have not had much problem with this plastic bag ordeal... maybe try licking my cock first
16)how did the fly get through the screen door?.... he strained himself
17)i just punch them in the face and say "i will be waiting in the parking lot..."
18)cuz you're drunk...WHA?!?! ME TOO!!!
19)cuz its too hot or too cold fucker!!!
20)cuz you can hit your father in law in the mouth so he is scared, but you cant hit your mother in law cuz she is a woman and you will be shunned by society, even if she is an over opinionated mouthy bitch....
#9 is supposed to be lisp. That's what makes it funny - people with lisps can't say it. Get it?
Qu. 9 - I think there's a typo and the question should ask who's idea it was to put a letter 's' in the word 'lisp'?
Answer - 'cause people are nasty like that.
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
Whose idea was it to put and "S" in LISP?
Because linguists are cruel. :D
Why do people pollute the internet in an attempt to be whimsical?
I'm just going to answer the ones that aren't sufficiently answered.
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
He does. in the book, as he learns the difference between ape and man, he decides that hairlessness is man's prerogative, and so shaves with his knife.
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Human reflex. If something approaches your face quickly, you will duck.
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
They don't. World War 2 pilots wore leather caps to keep themselves warm.
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lips"?
Eh. Really?
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Evolution is not about going from point A to point B. It's about filling a niche. Being hairy, tree-dwelling apes has worked well for them and there has been no need for them to develop their brains further. Same reason why most fish did not develop legs and crawl up on land. They've simply never had the pressures that required them to develop in that way.
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Hunger.instinct drives us to explore areas known to have food.
14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Humans enjoy setting a task and completing it according to the rules they set themselves.
17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
If it isn't all right, then say it. If they apologise, it means they acknowledge that they did wrong and they did not mean to cause trouble, essentially saying that you have no reason to give trouble. Politeness, man. Try it some time.
19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?
We don't. The kinds of summers we complain about are the ones that are hotter than comfortable room temperature.
20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Probably because fathers-in-law have never traditionally had the same need to meddle with their children's lives.
As far as the superman thing goes its a case of habit. In the original comics it was his costume that was bullet proof not his entire body so he could still be hurt if they aimed at his head. That's the only thing I actually have an answer to.
I'm pretty sure the "Lips" entry is supposed to say "Lisp".
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Four billion stars won't leave a paintmark on my sweet threads.
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Less wind resistance while swing from tree to tree of course.
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Stopping lead being hurled through the air at a thousand feet per second with only your chest, is cool. Getting hit by a blunt chunk of metal thrown by a middle age thug is embarassing.
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Safety first!
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Maybe they're stoned. I do that all the time when I am..
Whatever moron says above that in the original comics superman's costume was invulnerable and not him knows nothing about Superman.
Superman may have ducked in earlier comics but in current comics he wouldn't flinch and it's pretty unlikely that someone would bother to throw their gun at him.
Because we are human.
haha the most hillarious thing about this was that more than 90% of the people that replied didnt pick up on the lips-/lisp mistake.
Wow -- there is so much stupid here it's not even funny. Since I don't have the energy to respond to all of these, I will pick my favorites:
2. Because they literally could not care less about you and want to punish you for inconveniencing them slightly.
3. Well, for starters there are a whole lot more than 4 billion stars -- there are between 200 and 400 billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy alone, and this is only one of +/- 100 billion galaxies, meaning that this number is about ten trillion times too low, or approximately equal to estimating the number of grains of sand in the Sahara as 7. So I would not believe you if you told me there were 4 billion stars (well I would believe that 4 billion stars exist, I would only have to interject that there are many, many more than that)
10. We didn't evolve from apes. Apes are a separate branch on the tree of life, if you will. We share a common ancestor with apes, and you would probably classify this creature as much more ape than man, but in all reality it would be every bit as non-ape as it was non-human. Even if we had evolved from apes, you have to remember that evolution has no goal in mind -- it works solely by localized selection pressures. It actually makes me sad to know that this misconception is still as widespread as it is, there is no reason for a high school graduate to not have learned these incredibly basic facts of science.
16. They aren't really enclosed.
17. Umm... because it really is alright. What are you going to do, throw down and fight the person in the supermarket? We all need to let little things go, particularly accidental things that cause no real harm, if we are to have a civilized society.
19. Who does this? I know I couldn't afford to keep my house more than 68-70 degrees in the winter. In the Summer I complain about the heat when it starts getting to be in the 80's.
The Correct way to pluralize for in-laws is "Mothers-in-law" or "Fathers-in-Law" (and thanks go out to the first person to point out it should have been "lisp" and not "lips")
4. The bottle is made of wax.
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